Does this sound familiar....
Something happens or continues to happen in your life that you don't like. You feel a negative, heavy, stuck feeling due to this. You moan to one of your friends about it and your friend agrees that you are so hard done by and shares their own story of woe (which makes you feel bonded to them). You feel reinforced and supported in your viewpoint of victimhood.
You go out into the world, in your victim frame of mind, and you attract to you more evidence of your victimhood - more things to complain about - and you say: "See, I told you I had such a hard life!"
The victim mentality is the most seductive, most elusive and most pervasive frame of mind us Earth beings get sucked into unconsciously again and again... Because it's really hard when it looks like things are happening TO us, and it's not our fault. When we are sure it is their behaviour that is causing the problem, not ours, why should we change?
It's ok to dwell in victim-hood. There's no judgement. But you have to agree that it's a pretty shitty feeling to live in isn't it? It sucks feeling so powerless! Even if you still do really believe it's not your fault and there's nothing you can do about it, eventually you are going to get sick of having that poor-me feeling lingering around you like a bad smell.
I'm here to help you if you are ready to feel better again, alive again, powerful again... If you are ready to move out of that stagnant dynamic you've been living in.
You see, the divine, beautiful, liberating truth is that:
It doesn't actually matter what is happening outside of you...
You, yes you! Are endowed with the ability to profoundly command, direct and affect your circumstances through taking control of your inner state of being.
It is actually like magic! The surprising, and sometimes miraculous shifts that can take place on the outside once you make the decision to do this.
As I said in my last email... You truly can't control some things in your life, but you can control your reaction or response to them.
Only YOU are in charge of your inner world, no one else.
In ANY tricky, crappy, impossible situation... YOU have in-built power and freedom.
Are you ready to create rather than complain? If so, I've simplified a process into a few easy steps for you...
CREATE RATHER THAN COMPLAIN...
I used this process to manifest a sum of money many years ago. In a seemingly hopeless situation, the money came, and the outcome I had been visualising came true.
There's a video about that here.
I recently listened to a podcast about taking responsibility for your emotions, about not blaming other people or situations for how you are feeling.
This is crucial because when you blame something or someone outside of you for how you are feeling, you are giving that person or thing the power to make you unhappy. Whether you realise it or not, you are playing the victim, you are letting the person or the thing control you emotionally. You've given your power away.
It's a bit tricky because sometimes it really does seem as though something outside of you really is to blame, and it's really not your fault and there really is nothing you can do about it!
I was in one of those tricky situations... The reason I was listening to the podcast was because I was feeling victimised by being woken up by my baby at night. I was looking for another perspective, instead of blame, a reminder on how to deal with it emotionally.... Because to my tired brain, it was her fault I was being woken up! I mean SHE was waking me up, I'm wasn't doing it to myself!! But thinking blame thoughts doesn't feel good and it just makes life harder...
After listening to the podcast, it was clear to me that her waking me up is something I cannot control (see my last blog on the inner child!), but I can control my reaction or my response to that situation. And this is key... I can control my reaction or my response to that situation.
The podcast also mentioned a question... It said that when you are all pent up and totally about to lose your rag with someone or something, stop and ask yourself this question... What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?
That really struck a chord with me, because this question has been asked many times in different ways; The Conversations with God books say What would love do now? And Teal Swan (an inspirational You Tuber) says What would someone who loved themselves do? Essentially they are all saying the same thing, and asking of you the same thing, which I know is very, very powerful indeed.
So I tried it.
That night, little bubba kept me awake for a 2 hour period in the middle of the night. I went in and out of her room again and again rather unsuccessfully trying to settle her and teach her to go back to sleep on her own.
Usually, after about an hour I would be losing my composure, feeling so over it, feeling like a total victim, complaining and cursing and ready to totally lose it - pure knee jerk reactions - but this time is was different.
Every time I went back to my room after trying to settle her, I would ask myself that question over and over again... What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now? What's the most loving thing I can do for myself right now?
And oh my gosh.... Magic. It was beautiful. Just the act of asking the question had me delving into a deep feeling of love and protection and patience every time. I didn't react! I didn't even get pissed off! I felt serene and totally composed! The answer was always, "The most loving thing you can do for yourself is stay calm, stay consistent". So that's what I did, and I felt as though I was supported and loved throughout the whole saga, because I was there for myself and giving to myself and caring about me FIRST, and then I had the capacity to deal with her, because I felt complete.
It's a difficult thing to describe, so instead I invite you to give it a go. and experience it for yourself... Use one of those questions, whichever feels the most natural to you, or make up your own version, and practice using it to make decisions or to support you when you are getting triggered by people, or by life.
It's so powerful. So, so powerful. But you really have to focus and dig deep and go for it. Usually when your are in poor-me-victim mode, you don't feel like doing anything to help yourself, you just feel like complaining and bitching about what's wrong. It actually takes quite a lot of strength to convince yourself to try this at those times, but the results can be life changing.
Oh my gosh, going down the pathway of motherhood again has been a massive teacher for me!
My little girl is 16 months old now. So adorable. I love her more and more. But it's been far from easy. The hardest parts being the periods of sleep deprivation due to teething or colds.
The thing is, I know what it's like to feel really connected and healthy and vibrant, so I find it so hard to accept the days when I have to scrape my brain off the pavement and jumpstart it in the microwave just to feel alive. I know life can feel much better than that, which is frustrating. And frustrating because it's so hard to make any decent progress with my business (or anything) when I'm not getting enough sleep, and I really love my work.
So how have I coped with it for this blimmin long???
My guardian angel summed it up in a meditation of mine recently, she said, "There's no hurry. Be like water; ebbing and flowing and flexible, and then you will retain your alignment much more easily."
It's so true. I have learned to live like this; acceptance, trust, letting go, going with the flow because this is the only way I can stay in alignment when the going gets tough! If I started fighting my situation, things would get pretty bad, pretty fast.
Do you have a situation in your life that you don't particularly like but can't really do anything about? Try surrender. You'll save so much energy, and you'll open yourself to the gift that your situation is seeking to give to you.
Whenever you catch yourself struggling, trying, exerting force, straining to get somewhere... Stop. Come back to alignment, which is an inner feeling of well being and connectedness, and things will start to flow from there.
There's this little exercise I've been doing all week that has been helping me keep on the right track. It connects me directly to my deeper needs. The needs that, if met, will make the most difference to my well being, and therefore, everything else!
Because our feelings are always communicating to us what we need to do to stay in balance, but they often go ignored, or we push them aside in order to be liked and accepted by others, or we are so out of touch with ourselves that we don't hear them at all!
Read on to test this quick little exercise, it takes less than a minute, it might work for you too.
Connect with your Deeper Self through your Inner Child...
Imagine you are sitting in your favourite café. You are at a small table for 2.
Imagine the smells, the music, the ambience and enjoying your favourite drink.
Close your eyes and picture it now, don't read ahead, just do this first.
Seated across the table from you is your inner child.
Again don't read ahead. Picture it now.
Go with the first image or thought or knowing of your inner child that pops in your head right now without analysing it. Boom.
What age roughly is he/she?
What does he/she need?
Feel it out, know it, see it in their eyes... It's obvious. Don't over-think it and make it hard.
What does he/she need?
You have just received your own personal 'hack' to your own healing.
Your inner child has just given you the key, the most direct route to your life balance and fulfilment.
If you act upon what your inner child needs and give this to yourself, it will bring you back on track.
It's really so simple.
Sometimes as adults we get lost and out of touch with ourselves. We get so busy and distracted and off course.
But your inner child is the part of you that remains authentic. Is in touch with his/her feelings and needs and knows what she wants.
If you're an experienced meditator, you might want to go further and imagine your inner child receiving everything she needs. See her happy and fulfilled in your imagination.
This will bring a feeling of wholeness to you.
Yes you are just making it up. You're allowed to. It's called creating your reality.
Fulfil your inner child's needs as a priority in your own life and feel the balance and peace returning.
Susan Harrington-Baker is an International Inspirational Leader, Teacher and Intuitive from Christchurch, New Zealand.